


R.E.D

by Grace4all



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Dirk is up to something suspicious, Gen, Painting, at least that's what Todd thinks, just something cute to cope with the feels, kitten mentioned and also suspected
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 20:39:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9842810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grace4all/pseuds/Grace4all
Summary: In which Todd sees something concerning outside Dirk's apartment, and the inside isn't much better.





	

If asked, Todd would claim that the acceleration of strangeness in his life had eliminated his ability to be surprised. 

But the thing about the Universe is that it is so vast, so complex, and so utterly ridiculous, that there is a near infinite supply of surprising things. 

Todd stood outside the Ridgely, holding a box of McMuffins, blinking up at such an oddity. 

Dirk’s window was wide open, and two large white sheets flapped in the wind. This in itself was reason to pause, though what added to the sight was the bright, cheerful red stains on said sheets. The splotches were deep and numerous, matching the shade he’d seen drenched across the Penthouse on the day of Patrick Spring’s murder. 

Todd was doubtful Dirk was capable of murder, but he didn’t put it past the kitten-shark. 

“Uh...should I...do we call somebody about that?” 

Todd turned to see one of the few other tenants, who held his (broken) cell phone hesitantly. 

“N-No, it's fine,” Todd rushed, thinking of what the police would do with another dead body connected to Todd Brotzman. How could he look after Amanda in jail? “It’s just, you know…” his mind raced, still on Amanda. “...lady problems.” 

“Oh,” the man stammered, his face turning as red as the sheets. Todd felt his own cheeks flush and mentally kicked himself. Of all the things he could have said…

“Dirk?” Todd called, rapping on the door. There was a suspicious thump and an ‘ow!’ before Dirk appeared, his head poking through the doorway. His hair was standing up with the same redness covering his shoulders and in dried streaks on his face. 

“Hi, Todd!” Dirk gave a mile-wide smile, eagerly snatching the still warm breakfast from Todd’s hands, taking a deep breath. 

“Excellent. I’m very glad you decided to come, Todd, things have been very assistant-necessary around here-” 

“I didn’t decide to come, “Todd interrupted, pushing past Dirk to the apartment. “You called me about a ‘colorful disaster’ and What did you do?”

“What’s the matter?” Dirk asked, scanning Todd for any obvious signs of distress. 

“What have you done to this place?” Todd shrieked, eyes roaming over dirk’s walls. 

The detective had coated each wall in a horrifically bright shade, each matching one of his jackets. Most of Dirk’s furniture was covered in similarly destroyed sheets, with a giant puddle of red and blue covering the floor. Todd suddenly noticed the cracks in Dirk’s floor and prayed his own apartment wasn’t getting redecorated. 

“I was attempting to create a purple paint as I neglected to buy it, although the very kind assistant at the paint sure assured me than this R.E.D paint would work, especially since I’m hesitant to put than color on my walls-” 

“R.E.D? You mean red?” Todd asked, eyes drawn to blue footprints than led to Dirk’s soaked shoes. 

The detective shook his head violently. “No, no, R.E.D! ‘Rather excellent decoration!’ The salesman assured me it was well worth it, and mixing it with another would work much better than just plain purple paint.”

Todd crouched and made out the price tag, scraping some layers of dried red paint. “I sure hope so,” he mumbled, eyes widening at the price. 

“So, I was trying to mix it, but the kitten startled me and I spilled the R.E.D all over the place, which doesn't’ exactly appeal to me-” 

Todd stepped around said kitten, who was flicking red paint off her paws, to pick up a drying paint roller. 

“-and so, in a stroke of brilliance, I hung the sheets out the window to dry!” Dirk raised his arms, as though waiting for his assisfriend to burst into applause. 

“Dirk, why did you do this?” Todd asked instead, watching the yellow blobs of one wall drip down. “There’s a guy outside who almost called the police.”

Dirk gave a smug grin, waving Todd’s worries aside. “The Universe told me, Todd. You’ve seen how utterly dull this building is!” 

Todd couldn’t argue with him there. “Well, I hope the Universe helps you get these walls white again when you move out, otherwise-”

“Move out? Why would I do that?” Dirk questioned, looking puzzled and mildly frightened. “You...you don’t want me to, do you?”

“What? No,” Todd held up his and, as if he could physically stop Dirk’s no doubt destructive train of thought. “It’s just a... precaution.” 

Dirk was still staring doubtfully, and Todd knew he wasn’t going to make him understand. The holistic detective was very much focused on the now, and hardly ever bothered to look ahead to the future, (unless it pushed him against a wall and gave him instructions, of course.) It was useless to explain things like apartment care or future consequences to him. 

But for now, with Dirk still fixing his gaze on Todd, the smaller man reached down and picked up a paintbrush, mixing the red and blue together. He held up the dark purple, gave Dirk a soft grin, and turned to the room. 

“So, which wall is this for?” 

Dirk brightened up instantly, grabbing a roller of his own and eagerly splattering it against the wall. He turned and gave Todd a smile that, despite the paint covering both men by the end of it all, made everything worth it. Todd moved the kitten out of the way, listened to Dirk’s next ramble, spread blue paint gently over a wall, and made sure to keep his eyes on the street for any more callers.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this little short 'n sweet fic! 
> 
> Feel free to come hang out on my tumblr, Holistic-Grace, where you can also send requests. Everything I write for Dirk is both here and there. 
> 
> Until next time, 
> 
> -Grace


End file.
